Yeah so some important stuff with the army came up so I didn't get the chance to hang out with Jason. Oh well. I have to admit I was very disappointed . But I am going to see his track meet tomorrow because I got someone to switch with me at work. yay! I have to work a 3:30-10:15 cashier shift on Saturday now....but getting to support him and see him run track will be well worth it!  

My friend Kristi Mackey is coming with me because I figured it would be a good idea for a neutral friend (someone who didn't know me and jay when we were dating) to go with me because even though there is nothing uncomfortable between me and Jay, I will be in his territory surrounded by his friends. And me being the ex-girlfriend....I just figured I needed someone there with me to neutralize the situation. Ya know? So Kristi offered to go with me, and I took it! haha I feel alot less nervous going tomorrow now that she's going with me .

Also tomorrow, after me and Kristi get back into town we're going to get ready together to go to the Matrix and dance the night away! A bunch of people are going to meet us there also so it will be a great big bunch of us for a night out on the town. Then we're gonna have drinks and play cards over at the boys house. It will be lots of fun . I am really looking forward to it!

So, on a differant note, I have been praying for a good girlfriend this summer. I need that person who is single, lots of fun, who views things as I do, and who loves God and has the attitude and relationship as I do. And guess what, I think I found her . Well, I think God has brought someone to me. We will see....but I have a good feeling about it. I knew her before but...she left for college away and then when she came back she has changed...grown up I guess you could say. Now she is staying here in MQT and is transfering to NMU which is exciting! A true answer to prayer

Well, it's time for bed. Well, it's time for me to TRY to sleep. Which, is probley not gonna happen. To much going on tomorrow to get any sleep.

Currently Listening Break Stuff By Limp Bizkit see related

I am hanging out with the ex-boyfriend tomorrow. I am excited because I miss hanging out with him. And we have stayed good friends. But I have to admit that even though I know everything will be fine, I still am nervous and a little scared . Like....even though we were together for so little time...we gave eachother our hearts. It got very deep and serious very fast. He has a new girlfriend already. Whatever. He is happy. I have gone through all the break up stages and I am done. I refuse to be angry at him or anything like that. It's immature. I know it was the right thing (us breaking up) therefore, I must be happy for him .

I'm not going to get any sleep tonight *sigh*.

(change of subject)

I am so happy I am single.
I have sat back and watched so many immature, disfunctional, unhappy, incomplete, wrong relationships lately. I am just happy I don't have to deal with it. But, I have to say I am getting tired of listening to it too. If shit is really wrong, if you have almost broken up or have broken up for a short (as in 24 hours) amount of time, maybe you should think about it and realize that you shouldn't be together!

Now don't get me wrong, I totaly believe in second chances and all that but....you'd think after awhile of constant arguing and a second chance or two they would get it? I'm sorry...it is true that I am bitter and a bit worn out but....I am not the only one who feels like this. Don't you agree?

I'm sorry. I am just so frustrated with people lately! AGH! Ya know?

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with."

Juno is such a great movie
Deffinatly one of my all time favorite movies.

My Father

Stuck In A Rut

Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Everyone around me (minus those choice few) seems to have goals, dreams they are working towards, a cense of adventure, and me? Well....my life and dreams are just a bit more simple.

I found out today that my friend Jason is joining the military. He is so excited he can hardly contain himself. I will miss him so much. And I am afraid for him. There is a war going on, and being in the army...your right in the middle of it. I view it as a scary thing. To him....it is a beginning of the rest of his life. It is an adventure!

My sister has lived through so much. Moving one to many times for her taste, been through jobs and schools, more guys then she deserved....and now...it is all coming together. She is graduating with her LPN. She is going to be a nurse. She is so excited. She has worked so hard. Also, she got her dream car. Sure, things aren't going very good right at this moment in her romantic relationship but...I have this feeling everything will soon fall into place for her very quickly. One chapter is over for her and another will soon begin. She has accomplished her dreams.

My best friend Jenna just received a scholarship. She is being honored. She is graduating and has the brains and the drive to achieve anything she puts her mind to. She has a nice house, good friends, a  nice car, somethings paid for, a wonderful boyfriend, a good job....she is headed towards her future. And she is nervous and excited.

I have other friends who are just slowly living their lives as I am but, they don't seem to have hit what they wished. Something is missing and they will find their niche. Like my best friend Timmy. He is happy in his personal life but isn't happy with what he is doing in his life. He is searching for something he can't seem to find. But he will keep looking...keep working hard until he finds that thing...that one thing to complete his dream.

My best friend Christine has gone through one chapter and through the next. She rushed and never knew herself. Never gave herself that time to grow which she much needed. She sees that now. I believe she has found herself....and she has embraced it as she should. She has struggled to recap what it is that she missed and I believe she is. She is happy with who she is now but, now she needs to find her purpose. Something that will make her happy and show she is doing something to better herself and possibly the world around her.

Sometimes I wish I had all those things. But I don't.

i am me.

I don't have any drive. I don't have goals or big dreams. I don't have a cense of adventure of things I have yet to experience, see, or do.....I am just me. And I am happy with how things are.

Sure I have dreams. I am actually known as a dreamer. But my dreams are different from yours. From theirs. I want to breathe in the sweet Marquette air as much as I can, I want to go for long walks, I want to have a husband and babies and spend my time soaking up every exciting unknowing minute. I want to enjoy little things like, sunsets, bubble baths, smiles, bike rides....I want all of that.

I don't need to be a brain surgeon, rock star, traveler, ceo, soldier, missionary....because to me....being a mom is an adventure enough . Talking to people and making them feel better, hearing peoples hearts and lives, and just being a part of God's great plan is exciting enough for me.

But even though I am happy with myself....I am still different. I am still drowning in a sea of expectations. And I am being chased by bigger fish who don't seem to understand why I wish to stay in the shallow end. 

I have been so depressed lately. I feel selfish in being depressed. I should be focusing on being there for my friends and family. I should think about God and stop wallowing in self pity. Because my sad little feelings are tiny compared to the things that are out there. My life is insignificant. So my goal this week will be to not think about myself anymore in a negative way but positive well also finding a way to keep on living for God and be there for everyone I love and care about.